He thinks I need to lose weight. Apparently.

Me: Guess what I got into today?

Brother: Your... jeans?

Me: ... *three second silence*... Johns Hopkins!

Brother: Oh really? Congrats!

the-absolute-funniest-posts:

friend: mulan isnt even a princess
me: dishonor
dishonor on you
dishonor on your whole family
DISHONOR ON YOUR COW

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(via the-absolute-funniest-posts)

"A healthy relationship keeps the doors and windows wide open. Plenty of air is circulating and no one feels trapped. Relationships thrive in this environment. Keep your doors and windows open. if this person is meant to be in your life, all the open doors and windows in the world will not make them leave. Trust that truth."
– (via wordsandlyrics)